Panic Attack

So nervous

Wondering what will happen

And how it will go

Anxiety crushing from all sides

Feel like my lungs are being flattened

Not enough oxygen at this high climate

Don't even know what time I have to be there

They didn't tell me

Shit have to call them

But I called yesterday

It will seem insistent

I will be called annoying

Haven't seen her in 5 months

She is my own sister

What the hell do I say?!

Well that's a lie I did see her with my bio mom

But that doesn't count because we didn't talk

And they blamed me for all of it 

And that made it worse

Will this be like that?

Her blaming me for all of it

I don't want that

I feel like my lungs are going to collapse

Not getting enough oxygen in

To help get me through this panic attack

Breathe

Deep 

In 

And 

Out

Doesn't even have to be deep 

Just concentrate on the breaths

He says that helps

Sometimes it does 

Well when I remember it

This panic attack 

Hasn't been going on long yet

But I can't tell my mom about it 

Because she will think its about visiting my sister

And get worried

And advise I don't go

But I miss my sister

And I need to see her

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

This feeling fucking sucks

Stuck between a rock and a hard place

I want that anxiety pill

To put a stop to this

But I want to deal with it on my own

I don't need a pills help